First Post

First post.

Let's start out with the fact that I am embarrassed to be posting about my life for the whole world to see. This is going to be necessary to keep me accountable. This blog is going to serve as a place to chart my weight loss journey, my goals, my success, and my failures (inevitable, but hopefully not too many).

I'm a 25 year old RN who 3 days ago joined Weight Watchers. I'm ashamed to say that I'm only 25 and weigh 291lbs. I wear a size 24 jean. My tops are XL - 3x. Wow. That hurts to even type those numbers. Since college, my weight has spiraled out of control. At 18 I weighed a healthy 160lbs for my 5'9" frame. That means since 2006 I have gained 130lbs. Since age 8, I was a competitive swimmer that spent 2-4 hours per day in the pool training. It was easy to eat whatever I wanted and not gain weight. But in college, I quit training and barely exercised. That trend continued after graduation. I was convinced that I was comfortable with my body, and didn't care about weight and size, after all they're just a number. After a full year of eating and drinking whatever I wanted, no exercise, not weighing myself, and generally just not caring about myself, I realized that this is an unsustainable path. I didn't care about calories, thin/fat, size, opinions, anything. I was determined to do what I wanted. I loathed girls that made comments about their size for attention, or those that compared their own flaws to others strengths/assets. 

So how did I change my attitude? I need new scrubs for work. The crotch of my pants had almost worn through after a year and a half of owning them. Damn thigh touch. Also my scrub tops were getting tight around my arms and chest. My bras aren't fitting well. My underwear cuts into my groin (at least my butt's still covered!). I had my annual OB/GYN appointment and standing on that scale was the moment that literally tipped the scales. When the nurse said, "And your weight is 2-9-1 P-O-U-N-D-S," I was shocked. I was embarrassed to be standing in front of this woman who couldn't have weighed more than 130lbs. I could see the judgement in her eyes. The doctor however, didn't say a thing. Thank god. I have new stretchmarks under my arm pits. They disgust me. I tripped over a wheelchair at work and hurt my knee. Again I was embarrassed. Not because I fell, but because I thought people were judging me for being fat and clumsy. Looking through pictures on facebook, and not seeing 1 picture taken in the last year that I thought I looked pretty. I don't want to go out with my friends because I have nothing cute to wear. In the simplest terms, I am not happy. My energy level is the lowest it has ever been. All I want to do is lay on the couch and watch TV. 

Life has happened, and now I'm pushing 300lbs. I will NOT HIT THAT MILESTONE. So here I am. I started the online Weight Watchers plan on Tuesday 9/10. I get 47 daily points, an extra 29 weekly. I think it's awesome that fruit and veggies are 0 points. This is my 3rd day into the program, so far I feel good. I've been getting in my daily fruit and veggie serving with no problem! Fridays are going to be my weigh in days, and I weighed myself this morning. I'm still at 291lbs, but that's only after 3 days. I feel full, most of the time. I intend to set a weekly goal for myself, in addition to daily food goals. One of my biggest issues is actually cooking the recipes I have planned out. I find myself at a restaurant instead. So that is probably going to be one of my big daily goals. I'm still working on long-term goals, but my definite is to lose 15lbs by the end of 2013. I also plan on posting at least weekly, but hopefully daily. So I guess...HERE WE GO!